“Seek, and ye: shall find.” -Matthew 7:7-8
One of those cliche sayings that we’ve all heard before. In many ways the saying is true:
Seek out with a negative perspective and you’ll find a fight. Seek out a friend’s advice with expectations and you may find a reply you didn’t want to hear. Which introduces the question, is seeking out the right approach?
When we seek out, it’s out of the desire to fill a void in a moments notice. Money, happiness, health — society instills these pursuits as necessary for human survival and sense of belonging. We’re conditioned to accomplish these ill-defined goals, focusing our perspective on the end game. It’s easy to picture ourselves in a state of accomplishment and picture what it would mean to have these pursuits. On the other hand, the journey and process of reaching them is significantly more difficult and less comfortable.
Humans, whether consciously or subconsciously, are fully aware of their death. There will always be a sense of urgency to live — it’s why we have survival instinct. You see, even once you find money, happiness, and health — you’ve created a mentality of “what’s next?” The constant pursuit of somethingness and it will never cease. You will continue to seek out desire until the day you die — and in the moment you finally pass, you’ll still be seeking out, unfulfilled.
If… Then… Statement
Over the past couple of years, I’ve found myself playing out these “If… Then…” scenarios in my head.
IF I quit my job and pursue my passion THEN life will fall into place.
IF I quit drinking THEN my mental struggle will subside.
IF I focus all my effort on my startup THEN we will succeed and I’ll be financially supported.
I’d like to break down the two pieces of these statements because I think it’s important. The piece after “If” is within our control. In the case of the “If… Then…” statements, they are actions aligned with ill-defined goals. In my example, the goals are happiness, health, and money. It is the “Then” piece that taint our actions — these are expectations and focused on an exact outcome. Expectations are dangerous because we have no control over how the future looks. They’re what fuel the ego’s desire mentality.
FACT: Another problem will always present itself.
The only way to break the train of “If… Then…” statements is when we take those actions after the “If” and ask ourselves “Why”? This redirects our seeking out to seeking in. We focus on finding purpose behind our actions, which sets ourselves up to reach a state aligned with who we are. Self-awareness is a state, not a destination.
It is not a matter of seeking out our goals, as much as it is seeking in for our state of mind. This removes the expectations we have for reaching our goals, and opens the possibility that as we progress they may change over time. Having a constant state of self-awareness, brings purpose to our actions. It allows us to take in all the variables of life, assess them, and treat our goals as a dynamic outcome. It’s important to always have a target, but much like life, it will always be moving.
Seek In
I’m not someone who believes that things will magically come to fruition, which is why the word seek is still important. However, I do believe that what we seek doesn’t require traveling far, at all. The concept of “find your purpose” like it’s something you’re going to find underneath a rock, deep inside a dark forest does not exist. It comes with seeking in, it comes with time, it comes with effort, and it sure doesn’t come easily.
At the end of the day, what we seek will never arrive completely because as human beings, desire will always exist. But it’s not about arriving — the only arrival that exists in life is death. This is the only time when problems cease to exist. Our life has to be about the journey to overcome desire and discover true kindness. Living a life that’s genuine to who we are and focused on what we believe in is the true chase. Why? Because in this state we shine bright and create a presence that others can feel. Intrinsic and extrinsic trust is developed, naturally. The unknown ceases — there is no guessing as to who we are because we live it, we speak it, and we show it. Not for something in return but because it is just who we are. It’s our truth.
Three Encounters
When we reach this state and encounter others that are also in this state, we both understand our truth and can make the decision on whether or not to agree with their beliefs and purpose. If we don’t, then it’s no big deal. We mosey along with our life and continue to live our own purpose; we know our truth. At the same time, both are still able to project kindness due to living genuine lives with no expectations in return. The most recent encounter between Ellen DeGeneres and George W. Bush is a perfect example. If we do agree, then we’re able to form the strongest possible connection. We both understand our truth, so we’re confident in ourselves, while also finding commonality with each other. We are both able to be ourselves, together.
When we reach this state and encounter someone that isn’t, there exists an unbalance. We struggle to keep our state, while the other person attempts to find their truth. It’s almost like trying to save someone from drowning that can’t swim, while they are flailing and kicking to stay afloat. The only difference is there’s zero chance of saving them; a person can only find their truth on their own. We have no way of fully understanding that person’s life experiences, thoughts, and beliefs… the only person that’s capable of knowing that is them. However, instead of letting them drown, we can show them how to swim. How? By living our truth. By being kind. By listening and teaching them what it means to be a strong swimmer. Not in an attempt to be the hero, but as an example. When they find a way to save themselves from drowning, they’ll see us as the hero anyway.
In the case that both people encounter each other not knowing their truth, there exists chaos. It’s like two pianists playing two songs at the same time. There may be instances where both play the same note simultaneously, but for the most part it’s incomprehensible. One pianist is trying to play louder over the other one and vice versa. They become so focused on performing their songs, that they’re even willing to sabotage themselves in the process. Not even realizing, that each song is a masterpiece in itself. Each with its own story, rhythm, and flow — both are unique creations part of their journey to their truth state. What each pianist doesn’t understand is if they take the time to listen to each masterpiece individually, they may realize that both have similar stories and rhythms — an opportunity to learn and progress. Worst case scenario, they find no similarity and can keep moving forward on their own path. At least at that point, each pianist leaves with a unique perspective.
Live With Purpose
At the end of the day, there’s no point in seeking out because when you seek in, whatever “it” is, will find you. Don’t seek out your purpose; seek in and live with purpose. You’ll find yourself more appreciative of each breath you take because the journey has yet to end.